Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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