he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is my gift to your gina
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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