Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
