from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize