Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
is wine microwaveable?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
