Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I will die if light touches me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
