Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize