I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
