There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
