Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
