grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
