it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
