Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
