i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
