My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
