I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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