When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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