I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nicole vs. Life
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
