I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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