Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
