A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to make out with him forever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize