so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were destined to go to rehab together
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
