if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
