Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize