my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
