life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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