marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
