He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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