I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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