I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
