Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
