Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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