and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
