he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
