I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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