i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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