He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize