If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
