Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nicole vs. Life
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
