what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
