coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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