I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
