watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
