I cannot find my penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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