Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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