Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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