I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
