dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
