It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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