Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
