Acid is not a monday night drug
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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