why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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