I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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