Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They took my balls.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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