beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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