You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
