My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
