she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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