I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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