In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
