we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
