Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
