Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
