Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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